Journal Entry: March 23, 2009 I don't even know what day it is

I had to check the date as I sat to type tonight. All of my days have seemingly run together, or should I say seemlessly run together. All I know is that I had one heck of a week starting last Sunday, which hasn't left me with much expendable energy, but a very full heart.

As I mentioned on my last post, the boys got sick and subsequently pulled a number that required a trip to the ER. After that, I thought all I had to do is prepare for Tuesday's doctor's appointment and relax as much as possible. I double checked my bag and started a load of laundry.

Tuesday morning rolled around and after I took the boys to school, I came come to take a shower and get ready for my appt. As I pulled into my driveway, I noticed that my neighbor was outside leaving for work himself. This is the same neighbor that I saw at the doctor's office when I was pregnant with Charlotte the day she died. I looked over my shoulder and walked as fast as I could into the house. I didn't want to linger or make conversation, we were too close to bringing home baby to mentally *go there*. But I did notice.

I ended up being late to my pre-op appointment, so the NST nurse called me in the back to get that started insted. I was hooked up for about 20-25 minutes and things were great. Baby's heart rate fluctuated but was at a normal pace. I was daydreaming about labor and delivery, just waiting for the doctor to come in and say that I could go into the hospital when ever I was ready and that they would start the induction when I arrived. The nurse Sandy and I chatted about the contractions I was having and how it was strange that I could barely feel some of them. But they were becoming regular at about 3 minutes apart. It was getting exciting. Maybe I wouldn't even need pitocin? I was going on my own. Then, literally all of the sudden, Baby's heart rate plummeted. I had been trying not to look at the monitors because of the uneasy feeling it gives me (I get to stressed with every variation, so I just don't look). But Sandy was looking. Then I was looking.

Sandy was really quick to get me to shift to my side. But the monitor kept sliding. It went from the 160's to around 112 then 98 then... bleep. Nothing. I shifted again. Still nothing. She left to get the doctor. Ok, now I'm nervous. More shifting, more silence. Three minutes of total silence to be exact. Looking back, I had no idea it was that long. A moment later he came back. His heart rate steadily climbed back up to the 120's, then the 150's then he was cruising at 163 for a while. Dr. T came back in and said that there wasn't anyway that we were gonna mess around, she was going to order an ambulance and I could call *B* and tell him to meet us at the hospital.

Oh my gosh, not again!

When I called *B* his buddies from work were whoopin' and hollerin' in the background thinking that wah hoo... I'm having a baby! But nope. I was making a call to tell him that the baby crashed and he needed to come home. again. I'm going to the hospital to have a an ambulance..again.

I think it was at this point that I began to pray. I asked the Lord to give me peace, the kind that surpasses all understanding and to hold this baby in the palm of his hand. That you Lord, are the One whom I trust, and I am not going to even entertain the thoughts that something bad will happen. Nope. You have this undercontrol and I trust in You.

The ambulance arrived and off we went. I didn't get the full monte of the sirens 'n stuff, but that was ok. We didn't really need 'em. I just knew we were going to be ok.

I was admitted, *B* arrived and I was started on pitocin. By this time I had texted a few friends asking for prayer and got settled into my bed. Lori texted me to say she was at the hospital and waiting in the lobby. She came in and sat with us for a while, it was nice to have a friend there. She was so helpful. By this time it was about 2 o'clock, the boys were being picked up by my sister and *A* was on her way home from school. Lori ended up driving to the house to let *A* in and on her way back, she picked up a pizza for *B*. Meanwhile, I realized that it was kind of uncomfortable kind of reclining in that position, so I decided to stand. I felt so much better! I stayed that way for a few hours. I would sway or arch my back for relief, but then back to standing. Becky and Kim also arrived which made the time pass much quicker. I thought I was making progress being dialated at 1-2 when I arrived to maybe a 2-3 by 6pm. But then a new doctor came on shift and said that I was really only at a 2 and not effaced very much.

At about 7pm, I got another text. It was from *A*. I was torn about not being able to go to the soccer game she was playing in but I ended up not really having a choice. But the game had started at 6:30, so why was I getting a message from her at 7pm??

In her text, she said that she was on her way to the hospital because she thought she broke her knuckle. ugh. Apparently, she slipped on the field and another player stepped on her hand with her cleat. A school administrator was heading to the ER with her. I had to speak with him and ask him to take her to my sister's house instead, as I was in labor at the hospital out of town. He agreed and *A* went to Jenni's house. When they arrived at the hospital, *B* met *A* in the ER and waited with her there. We were directly 3 floors apart. Them in ER and me in L&D. Man! This baby's born into one whirlwind of a family!

Becky and Kim were still there, now so was my sister. It was pretty cool. But I got so discouraged. I thought for sure they were going to come in and tell me that the stress of laboring that long wasn't good for the baby and I would require a C section anyway. We were pushing 10 hours already and I was only at 2cm?? Ok, I suppose I'll take my epidural now. I felt so weak. Might as well. I mean, in case I would have a cesarean I would have to get one anyway, what's the point of waiting? Everyone left the room. *A* and my sister decided to get a soda. When they returned, Jenni said she was gonna leave (afterall, it was surely going to be a long night, it was already about 11:30 or so) but I told her to let the nurse know that my water had just broke. Well then things got fun! Finally.. something was happening!

When the nurse came in to check me I was at a 4 and 80%. Yay! Progress.

So Jenni took *A* to Del Taco. In the meantime, I had two more gushes and 2 more checks. As they walked back into the room with food in tow, the nurse said I was at an 8 and only a lip of cervix was left. She rolled me onto that side and called the doctor. By this point, I was in a LOT of pain. I had a pump for the epidural, but a lot of good that did. I could feel everything in my body EXCEPT the cramping in my belly. All other lower parts were fair game. The nurse Susan kept telling me to wait to push until the doctor arrived, but I didn't think I could. Finally, he showed up but was a little lax in getting over to me. At one point a nurse said "Doctor, you're about to miss your delivery..." then I knew it was close. My time was at hand. He stood in front of me and I was begging Brian to pray. I remember at one point yelling at him to pray and he said he was. But I wanted him to be praying out loud. I looked back at the doctor and said "he's coming... it's so hot.. oh my gosh, I need to push.. this s#*t hurts!" "So push" the doctor said pretty casually.

And push I did.

One big grunt and I heard the nurse say.. "well, there's your son". Apparently *L*'s head just popped right out. There was no one, two, two three... two steps forward, one step back stuff. Right after she said that the doctor said "Stop pushing! The cord is around his neck." (twice, actually). I looked over at my sister, her eyes were bulging as she was holding her breath, tears were streaming down her face. I could feel everyone's tension. I know that it probably wasn't the best idea, and I should have listened to the doctor, but I wasn't about to have another baby die inside of me. I gave it one more big push and he was out. All in all, it totaled just two pushes but it seemed like a long time before everyone was able to take a deep breath of relief. But *L* was screaming, which was music to my ears. They laid him on me and I couldn't believe it. He is here. Alive. Screaming. Looking at me.

He is beautiful. He was so pink and chubby. He has a head full of dark wavy hair.

As the doctor was checking me out and stitching me up, I looked at *A*. It was so sad and so beautiful all at the same time. She was sitting in the chair near my head with her face in her hands, bawling. Inconsolable. She would only acknowledge me by shaking her head "no" when I asked her to come over to me. I repeatedly asked her and every time she said no. I wanted her by my side. But she wouldn't come. I know it was just too much. The memory of her sister, the stress of the delivery, the fear of what was happening to me (because I was in so much pain), the joy of meeting her bother. It all came to a head. She had no other outlet than her tears.

They weighed him and took his apgar scores which were 8 and 9. He was so chunky. He weighed in at 8 pounds and 9 ounces and is 21 1/4 inches long. The longest of any of 'em. Second in weight. He has a head full of beautiful dark hair and a deep dimple in his cheek.

Right away I noticed how much he resembled *A* when she was born. There is such a sweetness about him. I'm in love.


  1. He is so beautiful!!! Congradulations-Your aunt you've never met...on the asher side.

  2. Hi,
    What a beautiful baby! Congrats!! I have been following your blog for a while. I'm not sure that I have even commented:) I am so happy to hear that your son was born safely and healthy! I'm looking forward to hearing more! Katie

  3. Sis,
    I just wanted to say "Thank you", for allowing me to be part of your miracles birth. Never in my life have I felt so much love instantly, other than the birth of my own kids. I mean, I love both my neices and all my nephews, but this was special. He is a gift from God, his own little person, with such a healing gift! I also wanted to let you know I held my breath not so much out of fear, but out of total amazement. To watch my sister give birth, to see my nephew enter this world, totally an amazing experience which I will never forget! I love you! (((HUGS)))

  4. I love you Christine,
    I can't wait to see little Lucas again. I can come take pictures whenever you want me to.
    Just let me know when works best.
    You are beautiful and I thank the Lord for what He has done in your life.
    Praise Jesus