Journal Entry: August 4, 2008 Sandwiched in the Middle

First the background:
My friend and I have a running joke that whenever I get pregnant, she gets pregnant. So I call her up the other day and we're chatting about things and here it comes:
I say, "So you know that it's gonna happen to you now, right? "
She says, "Oh no it's not! Besides, you're just trying to catch up to me. I already have four and your trying to get to the fourth."

Uh, no. Actually, this is my FIFTH.

"Charlotte was my fourth, remember?"
"Yeah, but..."
"No, I had to carry her to term and still give birth."
"Yeah, well, when I was a teenager I had a miscarriage, so that doesn't really count. You're just trying to catch up to me..."

Even typing this out makes me so mad. And this isn't the first time something dumb like this has been said. Once it was even said that by the fourth kid "the gene pool has slim pickin's and they just get whatever throw back genes they can." Ha ha ha, right? I know she wasn't referring directly to my daughter, just trying to make a joke, but com'mon! Have I been wearing a smile too broad that it makes people think I have forgotten about her like they have, because I haven't.

Maybe I'm being too sensitive. My friend and I have a very long history, but I can't help how I feel. Should I just toughen up and let stuff slide off my back? I thought after the genetic pool comment that I should be more prepared *next time* if something like that were to be said. So this time I corrected her with the fact that Charlotte was my fourth, I'm now on my fifth; but apparently it fell on deaf ears.

Word to the wise of whomever reads this: Don't EVER tell a bereaved parent that their child *didn't count*.

Ironically, I am so happy that Charlotte is somewhere in the middle. Lord willing that this baby is born alive and healthy, it will be the *end cap*. Right now I feel like Charlotte is somewhere floatin' around in outer space. A figment of my imagination. She's like a silent letter in a word. Not many people saw her, no one knew her, so now when people ask me how many children I have I can say 5 and not have that last one fall off my tongue.

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