Journal Entry: July 11th, 2008 Unrealistic Anxiety

Today I took Coco to the vet. She is pregnant with her first litter and I went in to see if the Doc could count how many puppies she would have. Well, while she was out getting X rayed... I sat alone in the examination room. There was a nicely framed picture of a beagle puppy that was adorable! I blankly gazed at the ceiling it was so cute...they had paw prints embossed into the tiles. Anyway, I was looking around, praying that God would allow the puppies to be born healthy and that there would be the right number of them in there. I have had every puppy spoken for since before she was pregnant, and I din't know how I was going to pick and choose who would get what. I was hoping for a minimum of 5.

Then I had the idea of asking Brian if I could actually breed dogs. We could convert the garage into the space necessary since it's all finished off in there. But the idea is to sell them at a minimal cost (just to cover expenses) to bereaved families of those who have lost a baby or an infant. I don't know.. it was just a thought.

Well, as Coco was out of the room, I noticed it was taking a long time for the doctor to come back with the results. There was a flurry of activity outside the exam room door. The nurses were talking to each other and I could see them walking at an almost frantic pace past the room I was in. There is a small window in the door, just big enough to see slivers of people walking by. The voices were muffled so I couldn't hear what anyone was saying, but all of the sudden, I had anxiety that surprised me. My heart was racing and my eyes quickly filled up with tears. Where the heck was this coming from??

Where was my dog? Was she ok? What if they were xraying her and saw that the puppies died? What if all of the sudden she started convulsing? Were the nurses tending to her? Is this why they were rushing into the other room??

I had the sharpest pain in my chest. I couldn't catch my breath. What was I doing??

All of this only lasted about 5 minutes. Then I'd realized that this was Coco, not me. I calmed down and took a breath. Just then the doctor walked in. He said there are 3 puppies in there. He showed me the 2 views on X ray and we counted 3 little skulls with lots and lots of little bones.

Knowing how many she's expecting takes off a lot of pressure. I know exactly who is getting them now, I don't have to pick and choose.

But the doctor did warn me that there is a danger of only having 3 in there because they may grow too big and have trouble coming out. He told me what to watch for and how long to wait before we take her to the hospital, if we have to. This is sounding all too familiar.

But I feel much better now. The puppies should be here with in the next 3-6 days. :)

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