Journal Entry: October 27, 2007 Here we go again!

In case some of you were wondering how long my roller coaster of a life was going to sit idle...strap in and come along for the ride (again) with me PLEASE!

I need your prayers. This year has been such a trial for me I almost have no strength left to start this again. And I really hope that I don't have to...Last year was a very difficult time in my life and so many of you held my hand (sometimes literally) and lifted me up to God thru prayers.

I found out during my pregnancy that there may have been problems with the baby, and I have to say that the 5 months of waiting was the longest ever of my life. And although we looked at her normally formed body, she was still called home to Jesus. Now, I have to wait for a couple of more weeks to find out some additional results from a doctors appointment today for myself.

Let me give you a bit of background, in that, I have never had any questionable mestrual history and all of my pregnancies have been uneventful, except for this last one with Charlotte. Anyway, for the past few months, my cycles were wierd. I haven't had a period since August, and even then it was really late. Anyway, I'm not pregnant and after a bunch of bloodwork, I was sent to the Endocrinologist (today). They checked all of my hormone levels and even for diabetes and all but one came back ok. The one that came back abnormal is cause for concern because from what I thought I'd read on line, I could be going thru early menopause. I'm only 32, so of course I was worried.

But after meeting with the doc today, she told me that it could be one of two things:
1.) would be that the labs were wrong. (My reading was in the negatives and should be way higher)
-or-
2.) there could be a brain tumor. Huh? Did you say tumor... in my brain???

I have to have more blood/urine testing done and if the levels are really low again, it may indicate a tumor near or on the Pituitary. She will then order a scan to see how large and what kind of tumor it is. If it is compressing or secreting, it will have to be removed. If not, then it will be monitored. Oh, I forgot to mention, on my dad's side both his sister and his grandfather had brain tumors, which they died from. I don't know which kind or where at exactly, but it still is freaking me out.

I don't know what to think. I'm actually feeling quite queasy about this, like I wanna puke.

I've learned that nothing is too big for God to handle and He tells me to leave my worries on the cross. But here I am again, asking for your prayers. I don't even know what to ask for other than a better reading, but I turn to you guys first. I think I'm gonna take a nap. ugh.

Forever grateful,
Christine