Journal Entry: July 22, 2007 We have another little girl in the house!




We got a puppy!






She is officially my dog, but I am willing to share her with the family. I've named her Coco in honor of Lil Miss. My dad mentioned that maybe I should change the name, just in case something happens to her, it may be too hard to deal with. But I really enjoy saying that name out loud. It's what I would have called Charlotte.

So Miss Coco is tiny. Just about 7 weeks old and fits in the palm of my hand. She snuggles with me, lets me wrap her in a blanket and even lays on her back so I can hold her like a baby, cradled in the crook of my arm. I know it may sound lame, but I really am enjoying the baby-ness of something small and warm. The other night I was letting her gnaw on my finger...very sharp teeth, by the way... and she began to suckle on my finger. It surprised me because I'd never felt a dog do that, but it was really cute.

Her breeder mom sent her home with us with a receiving blanket and a stuffed giraffe. She cuddles up to the giraffe in her crate at bedtime and lets me swaddle her in the blanket while I sit watching tv. I was able to go into the closet and get out a couple of blankets that were Charlotte's and used those to line the bottom of her pen... Bittersweet.

I am so surprised at how much I love this little dog already. My heartache has lessened tremendously. I wish I would have gotten her (or another dog) about 6 months ago when I really needed it. I haven't had the *almost* obsessive thoughts of Charlotte like I was and I feel like all can be (at least) ok in the world again. I had started to get a bit scared about things latey and since she's been here I guess I'm just more distracted maybe?? But she definitely makes me feel beter. When I say scared, I don't really mean like paranoid, but I could work myself up to feeling like everything was falling apart. All of the sudden I feel happy, without guilt.

On the way home from getting her, I began to cry. Brian asked if my tears were because I was so happy to get a puppy, but they weren't. I was crying because I now had a dog in my hands, rather than a baby in my arms. It was a sad realization of the loss of Charlotte again.

But on a lighter note...she is so darn cute!