Journal Entry: May 19, 2007

I'm feeling pretty good these past few days. Accepting the diagnosis of Trisomy 18 has actually helped me tremendously. Maybe subconsciously I was so scared to allow that to be what the problem was that I actually was making my grieving worse...maybe??

I don't know. But I do know that it still doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. Her days were numbered by God and there is nothing more that I need to "know" about that.

So today was a blessing, but I became exhausted. Some of my friends and I did a "cooking club" type of thing and had a lot of kids underfoot. I thought about how this must have been what women used to do back in the day to get their chores done, like grinding grain and things like that. I had a really good time. At one point, 2 different people asked me how many kids I have and I answered 3. The first time, I surprised myself at how fast I said it then the second time I heard my voice crack. So I just kept right on dipping my chicken and rolling it in the Crispies, didn't look up as I felt my eyes get misty.

Then someone else asked if we were going to have more kids. It was such a normal question and I actually appreciated that someone was able to ask me and not feel weird about it. But I told them that maybe, whatever God has in store for us we're ok with.

It just feels good to get back into things. I hope this lasts for a long while.

1 comment:

  1. Hi Christine,

    I just found your comment on the T18 sight, where you read about my Staci Grace. Thank you for your encouraging words. How difficult the journey was but I now I wouldn't trade that time I had with Staci for anything. She changed my life and made me realize that God IS real! May the ache and hole in your heart, left by your little Charlotte, turn to only warm memories of the time you had together. God bless ~

    Karen Glanz