We had a new doctor come in and he was personable but very frank.
Like our last appointment, the Doctors were able to see Charlotte's
heart problem as well as the cysts. But the cysts are looking like
they are "breaking up" and "taking care of themselves". This is
good news, but what was to come is a little breath taking.
Katie, our Genetics Counselor mentioned last time that
nothing "new" would crop up on this ultra sound, but there may be
other things that did not show earlier due to the baby's size that
they may be able to detect now. That was the case this afternoon.
First I have to say thank you to whom ever must have been praying
for us at that moment (about 2 o'clock or so), because I certainly
felt the "peace that surpasses all understanding". I was a nervous
wreck this morning and found myself lagging in getting ready for my
appointment. The ride there was rough as I felt butterflies the
whole way. The technician even told me to ease my breathing a couple
of times during the test!
It was remarkable because as I sat listening to the Doctor after the test, I recognized that I was not breaking down. It was surreal! I was able to take in the information
and deal with it, but not shatter. In an instant I felt myself come
to my senses, almost like falling and realizing that I would hit the
ground. And in that moment I clearly told Jesus that I was not
letting go of Him and that He must carry me. And I soared up again,
mounted on the wings of eagles.
So the Doctor proceeded to tell us several things. First, he says
that her hands were clenched the whole time which is a typical
marker for T18 (but according to the first doctor, they had been
opened before). The other things are: a small stomach, very deep set
chin/jaw, and her umbilical cord has one artery with a vein instead
of two arteries with a vein. Now if these things were isolated they
probably would not be a big deal but as the doctor explained these
things are seemingly building on top of each other, indicating once
again, Trisomy 18 or now, possibly Trisomy 13. These conditions are
very similar, both with a fatal outcome. Most likely ending within
weeks of birth, if not in utero.
I had a lot of questions about delivery and things like that and I'm
sure the doctor must have thought I was either in denial or not
hearing everything he was saying. When I told the doctor that our
odds are 50/50 he had a perplexed look on his face (I wish I had a
camera). I told him that I understood that, statistically, the odds
were much greater, but in real life, she either has it or she
doesn't. He really seems to think I should elect to have an amnio,
as it would "give me somewhat more 'control' over what to do next", but
Brian and I still say no. We've reflected on the fact that the first
people on the face of the earth wanted to 'know more' as God knows,
and God gave them the liberty to eat of the tree of "knowledge", but
look at where it got them and what blessings they may have missed
out on because of it. I believe the greater the challenge, the
greater the glory!!
He told us that there is still a significant possibility that she my
pass away before birth and/or that if she were in distress at any
time she would have to be delivered by emergency c-section; and to
be aware that there may be severe consequences if that happened
(cutting of my bladder or intestines, greater chance of infection or
even having to have a complete hysterectomy.) I have never had a
miscarriage or anything like that, so I asked what I should expect.
He said that in either case (in utero or after birth) death would
be sudden. The baby's brain would simply stop working. He warned
Brian and I that anything is possible at this point. If she does
have T18/T13 there is a possibility that the placenta could
deteriorate anytime between now and delivery, so be watchful of no
movement or bleeding.
I have not been placed on bed rest or anything like that. They plan
to check on me again via ultrasound in about 2 months. I'm almost
wondering what's the point? We know what they know, and unless there
is stillness in my belly, I won't really get any more definite
answers. God knows what He is doing, He has plans to give us a hope
and a future.
I don't know, maybe I'll change my mind later, but that's how I see
it today. And for today, I think little Charlotte deserves some
Thank you for all of your prayers. They mean everything!