I wanted to let everyone know that as of today, no news is good
My last doctor's appointment went well, I am now being seen every
other week. My "specialist" says she's not comfortable in seeing me
for ultrasound check-ups unless she can tell me everything she sees,
and my regular OB/GYN says he's not comfortable in seeing me because
I am high risk. Hummm...I didn't know if I should have been offended
or not, but I look at it as a small victory in that I am able to not
have to go to Sacramento yet and have actually been able to have
some peace about this whole thing. (And really, if they want to know
what uncomfortable is, I can tell them! It's trading in my lap for
swollen ankles and toes! Better yet, it's trying to keep my pants
from sliding off may backside when I walk because my
belly is so round that there is no place for the waist-band to
sit... as I hold a 2 year old in one arm and the hand of a feisty 3 year old in the other...Now that's uncomfortable!
But the last visit went well. The doc says I am measuring
accurately, which is a good sign for baby growth. I have a regular
ultrasound scheduled for the 15th and I'm sure after that they will
want me to start the trek to Sacramento weekly (for "observation").
There has been talk of inducing labor to gain more 'control' over
the situation, but I am asking for prayers that it won't be
necessary. I pray that God will allow my body to spontaneously (but
in time to get to the hospital, as it's an hour away)go into labor
and to deliver a completely healthy baby. I ask that He will prepare
my body for a smooth delivery where the Doctors will not have to
intervene, but will be spectators to an awesome display of His
glory. It's only 8 weeks to go (or less) as I'm sure they won't allow
me to go over my due date.
One night a couple of weeks ago I woke up to find myself whimpering,
as if I were having a nightmare. I recall not knowing what the dream
detailed, but I remember being sad in knowing that it was bad and about
Charlotte. I felt like the Lord was telling me to not rack my brain
in trying to remember what the dream was about and to get up and
take my Bible into the other room, as He had something to talk to me
Well, I laid there for about 45 minutes or so and finally pulled
myself out of bed (it was somewhere around 3 am). I took up my Bible
and went into the living room. As I sat on the couch, I
thought "well, You might have something to say to me, but I also
have something to say to You".... and so I began to pray for
Charlotte like never before. Of course I have prayed for her before,
but really, this time was different.
I asked for healing over her entire body. Her hands, her feet, her
organs and her heart. This was especially hard for me because I know
what the Doctors think they see. I was asking for God to heal what
medically looks like a certainty. And I was earnestly looking for
Him to move. I realized that I have been telling people all about
God and how He is in this situation, but I wasn't telling Him from
my heart that I believed it. I know He is big enough to do this, and
He is still working through miracles. But was this one for me? Is it
real enough for me?
So I continued to pray and weep. And weep some more. I pleaded with
Him to allow my baby to grow up to be a strong witness for Him, to
be a person that would help others to see Him. I promised that I
would bring her up in a way that would be glorifying to Him. Until
that night, I held back in saying that because I know, as a parent
already, I have "consistency issues". I was entering into a covenant
with Him that if He were to allow this thing to happen, that I would
keep up my end too. That scared me. I am now a part of this, not
just a vessel.
So I asked for Him to speak to me through His word and to cause me
to understand it. I specifically asked Him to bind it on my head,
plant it in my heart and write it on my arm. I began to pray in a
way that excited me, but also left me feeling like I needed to take
off my sandals, so to speak. Then, as in my usual manner, after
praying it in the name of Jesus, I (literally) flopped open my Bible
and began to read. I usually do this in trusting that God will
direct my eyes to where they should be. But I knew that I need Him
to make it clear for me, what ever it was that he was about to
So what I turned to knocked my socks off. It was 1 Samuel 1:1. Now
as I said, I flopped open my Bible, and I was not familiar with the
story. But it read that there was a women that was barren and
disparately wanted a child. She went to the temple to pray and
poured out her soul to the Lord and asked that if He were to grant
her a (male) child that she would in turn give him back to minister
before the Lord. Now I really encourage you to read the story for
yourself, as my para-phrasing does not do it justice. But it goes on
to say that the prophet Eli saw this women and all that she was
praying for and he told her that her prayers were heard and have
been answered. That she was to go in peace and be sad no longer.
I felt as if Jesus himself was sitting on the other end of my couch
with me! He heard what I prayed for and He was there to comfort me.
I began to sob some more and literally laugh out loud. So much so
that it kinda freaked me out. I thought for sure I would wake up
Brian or the kids, but it was such a beautiful feeling! I was
tickled! I had just prayed what Hanna, Samuel's mother had prayed,
with out even knowing it!
I have what I believe, experienced the wonderment of God speaking to
my heart, and confirming it through scripture, that He not only has
heard my prayers, but that He has done it. I now wait for Him to
reveal His power in this situation.
So thank you again for your prayers, I can't tell you enough how
much they mean to me... and to Him.
Will let y'all know how the next appointment goes.