Guarded Jubilation...ultasound today (Nov 11th)

"This will be written for the generation to come, that a people yet to be created may praise the Lord. For He looked down from the height of His sanctuary; from heaven the Lord viewed the earth, to hear the groaning of the prisoner, to release those appointed to death, to declare the name of the Lord in Zion, and His praise in Jerusalem…" Psalm 102:18-20

As I've come to do during this trial that has been set before me, I
have looked to God's word for comfort and confirmation. He has been
faithful to make known to me the things that have caused me to fear
and doubt and strengthened me beyond my own measure and
understanding.

A couple of Sunday's ago, our Pastor had preached a sermon that
again spoke to my heart. In the reading of John 4:46 (the nobleman's
son being healed) what jumped out at me was that fact that the
word/promise of Jesus is just as good as He, Himself being there in
the flesh, working out His mercies. That the word I was given by God
is just as effective and potent as Jesus' hands literally being in
my womb, working out Charlotte's problems. I had started to lose
sight of this fact over the past few days and had been mulling this
thought over when I was hit by another flaming arrow.

This past Sunday morning Brian and I visited our friend's church,
and during the greeting portion of the service I was approached by
the aunt of my friend. She, knowing the situation, came and asked me
how I was doing and in her hug, whispered that God told her to let
me know that He has heard my prayers. Of course I was touched and
cried, but after leaving the service I couldn't help but feel a
tremendous pressure come over me. I felt that she confirmed to me
(yet again) what God had already told me… that He has heard me. But
then I began to wonder… 'will He answer in the way that I hope for?
What does it mean that He has heard me?'

I began to think about all the times that I have heard my own
children ask for something, and yet I don't always give them what
they ask for (or what they deserve). So for 3 days I cried and
prayed that God would again open his Word to me about what I should
expect or send someone to me to tell me what He has done.

If you recall, when I *met with Jesus* a few weeks back and prayed
like Hanna, I KNEW that He had heard me, and time and again He has
quickly answered my prayers for more from Him. Many people have
told me that He has heard me, confirming what I knew, but what
really does that mean? I was a little surprised at my own confusion.
But on Sunday night I felt that I was at my breaking point. I needed
more. I needed Him to be real and show me His glory all over again.
I started to feel like I was at square one (again) in asking Him to
prove it. I realized that I have been a "stiff necked people" in not
taking what He told me for the truth, and in that I was jipping
myself from resting in His grace. So on Tuesday night I emptied
myself out before Him and He showed me 1 John 5:15..."And if we
KNOW that He hears us, whatever we ask, we know that we have the
petitions that we have asked of Him". PRAISE THE LORD! I took that
with me to bed and rested in His word.

So this morning I woke up and got ready for a follow-up ultrasound
that was supposed to check on the growth rate of Charlotte and to
make sure her placenta is functioning properly (pretty important
stuff). I was not sure if I should look at the monitor and ask
questions or not because I didn't know what to expect. But I really
had a desire to see my baby girl. I prayed all while getting dressed
that God would give me just a little bit of hope. Any good news at
all. I resolved though, that whatever was said, good or bad, I
would still believe what God has told me in that He has done it.
Not 'going' to do it, but already done it. The best I had hoped for
was the tech to say she was growing ok and that all is well until my
next check up. What she said was so much better.

When I was called in, the tech noticed that I'd already had a "few
scans" and asked what was going on. I told her that Charlotte has
a serious heart defect and a couple of other things that the doctors
think lead to Trisomy 18. I then realized what I said and stopped
mid sentence (through misty eyes) and said: "I needed to make a
correction. The doctors think they see a defect and markers,
but that God has told me she was ok, and that's what I was there
for: to see that she was ok." The tech looked a little surprised,
but said "Ok, let's go".

So over the course of the scan I explained all the things that the
specialists said were going on as the tech read her own file copy.
Starting mid section, she scanned Charlottes' spine (noting how
beautiful the shape was, so smooth) and looked at her tummy. She
said that her "small stomach" was on the littler side of things, but
only a week behind schedule. When she came to her umbilical cord, I
told her that they said she only had one artery and one vein. She
didn't see that at all. She saw all three! She even diagramed for me
what it should look like, and there it was, up on the screen! She
went over it about 4-5 times, just to make sure she counted it
right.

She then asked me about Charlottes' feet and if I knew if they were
clubbed or not. I hadn't even seen them before so she scanned over
them and showed me 10 perfect little toes (her words) with the heels
crossing at the bottom. No clubbing! So of course I was wondering
about her hands… they were closed but not clenched. There was fluid
in her palms, showing that she was able to open and close them! Then
came the facial dimensions. I told her about the small chin thing
and again, she said she doesn't see what's been written in the
report they gave her! She has a fine chin! A little tiny turned up
nose and her head measured exactly 34 weeks! And in typical Curry
fashion, Charlotte stuck her tongue out at us several times… all the
while the tech was saying…"Did you see that, look how cute she is!"

Moving on to her skull, I mentioned that the doctors were thinking
that she may only have one lobe and not 2 sides of her brain and
that she had several Choroid Plexus Cysts. "Humpf!" she said. "Well,
here's the line that divides her brain, do you see it?" Well, what
about the cysts I asked...NOT THERE! Not even a trace. The tech
said that she even expected to see the ventricles enlarged, but
that they actually aren't even dilated! No cysts in her brain or in
her placenta!

Now was the biggie… her heart. The tech said that she is not the
specialist, but she doesn't see what all the fuss is about. All 4
chambers were there, looking to be working as they should. She told
me that the doctors would be calling me soon, but all looked to be
ok!

Since I've gotten home there have been so many tears! As quickly as
my world tumbled is as quickly as I feel it built back up. It's
indescribable.

Of course I am pleased that Charlotte looks to be ok, but more than
that I have been touched at His faithfulness. My perspective didn't
change His purpose. Just because I sometimes doubted , that never
changed what His plans are. What an awesome God!

As you can probably imagine, I still feel a little guarded over this
news. I want the specialists to call me and confirm what was seen
today. But even if they don't, I know that Jesus has had His hands
busy. I look forward to the day that Charlotte is born so all those
who have wondered if the doctors were just "wrong" can see His true
majesty. There will be no second guessing and her heart will be
beautiful!

I suppose now I will be following up with the doctors again in a few
days to see what they think. I'll of course keep you posted.

I do still ask for your prayers that Brian and I will be able to
stand firm on these findings and that we will not get discouraged or
doubt. This has been such a weird experience for me. But I thank all
of you for keeping us lifted up. I hope this will comfort and
quicken your hearts as well. "For the Lord will not cast off
forever. Though He causes grief, yet He will show compassion
according to the multitude of His mercies"…Lamentations 3:31

Blessings,
Christine


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